Hi, my name is Allison Field, and I want to welcome you to my Create Your Blank vlog, where I share topics and stories that are important in creating your own blank in different areas of your life.
So welcome!
The first vlog of this month was all about the energy levels of motherhood. And this vlog is all about energy interplay, those energy levels, and how you actually want to do motherhood?
Motherhood is… all right, so at the beginning, I always create these vlogs from my heart. I have notes, you know, so that I won’t forget anything. If it’s splotchy or interrupted, it’s because I’m generating it from my heart. These are not edited, and they are for you. So if I’m looking at my notes, it’s to make sure I cover everything.
From Reactive to Intentional Motherhood
Motherhood is often, I find, very reactive.
Although I wasn’t a bio-mother, I was a foster mother for a couple of years. I also had a nonprofit organization with teen moms and their children. I feel like we raised, over 16 years, over a thousand children with 800 teen moms. So I have some experience with parenthood and motherhood.
What I have found over the years is: motherhood can be very reactive rather than intentional. You’re reacting to everyday situations. Your children are running here and there, you’re managing a multitude of activity all at the same time. It becomes reactive rather than proactive, rather than intentional.
Most mothers are responding to whatever shows up, and they’re trying to keep up, and up, and up, and it’s exhausting.
Choosing Your Motherhood Experience
It can be an amazing new experience to start to create your BLANK in motherhood. How do you want that to go? How do you want to choose your motherhood experience?
This is not about fixing what’s wrong (and I don’t even like using that word). It’s not about what you’re doing or not doing. This vlog is about giving you support and tools to become more aware of what’s actually going on, so you can lean in and intentionally start creating what you want, versus being at the effect of it.
Now, having said that, you might think, “What the hell is going on? What the F does she know?”
Well, and that would be correct. Because what it is, is about you tuning in to what’s going to work for you, and focusing on some of the things you can do to support yourself in being the kind of mother you want to be, rather than being at the effect of it.
Recognizing Default Patterns
We all fall into a default pattern with motherhood. “Do what I say and not as I do.” Actually, “not as I do” that would be funny. Your default patterns are often derived from how you were raised.
It’s an opportunity to lean in and say:
- “Okay, I’m aware of these patterns.”
- “I’m aware that these might not be working for me.”
- “This is how I was raised, and I want to do it different.”
- “How can I do it different?”
- “How can I set this up?”
- “What do I do?”
It can feel like that.
Parenting Advice and Energy Levels
Most parenting advice focuses on problems. Problems are conflict. If you listened to my first vlog about the energy levels this month, conflict is level two. If you operate from level two, it’s always looking at the problem, right, wrong, good, bad, and that puts you on the side of:
- “I win as a parent.”
- “You lose as my kid.”
But the problem never really gets resolved. If you operate that there’s a problem, there will be a problem, you will find a problem, and more problems. That’s all energy. You have the ability to shift it.
Instead of operating from a level two, you can move to a level five:
- Win-win situation.
- “How can I create a win-win?”
If you want your kid to clean their room and they want to go outside and play, you give them two choices, both acceptable to you:
- Clean your room now, or
- Go outside and then come back and clean your room.
Both choices are acceptable. They get to choose. Practice that. It can make a huge difference. Love and Logic taught this, and I taught that workshop for our teen parents for years. It really helped.
Doing Motherhood Intentionally
The key is: Create the kind of mother you want to be.
You could do this as a journal exercise: “I’m going to intentionally decide how I want to be a mother.” I like to think of it as, “How do I want my kids to know me?”
Do I want them to know me as:
- A dictator, operating at level two all the time?
- Someone who creates opportunities for them?
- Someone who models how to solve problems lovingly?
If you share your journey with your kids, that’s so powerful. Kids often think, “Whatever mommy says is gold.” Sometimes not. Sometimes our choices are not that great. We want to make sure we’re intentionally creating our motherhood experience.
Leveling Up Your Parenting Energy
If you’ve been operating at level two, “little dictator mommy”, and it’s scaring your kids, you can shift.
Move toward level four: more love, more understanding.
Level four is putting love toward the situation without trying to control or fix. Be aware, though, too much level four without balance can backfire if your kids aren’t doing what you want. That’s where your awareness helps. And it’s a practice, not about being perfect.
We’re not intended to be perfect mothers. This is about giving yourself space and grace to create how you want to be, versus reaction, reaction, reaction.
Connect with Your Vision
Before you journal about your motherhood vision, meditate:
- Ask your spirit team, GUS (God, Universe, Spirit), to guide you.
- Quiet your mind.
- Deep breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth.
- Connect with your inner wisdom.
Then, when you come out of meditation, immediately write down whatever comes to you, no editing, no judging. That’s how you tune into your spirit and generate your motherhood vision from the inside out.
Setting Motherhood Intentions
Setting intentions changes your daily experience. If your kids are used to yelling and screaming, and you shift your energy, you’ll notice a change. Instead of level two anger, move to level four, “How can I support my child in understanding what I need better?” If you’re stuck in level one, “I’ll never do it right”, shift to level five: looking for possibilities, opportunities to work together.
The Ripple Effect
Your awareness around energy levels will help you choose your next action. And the ripple effect on your child and your family will be amazing.
You’ll notice:
- More ease.
- More love.
- More connection.
There’s no fear of doing it wrong. Your kids are resilient; they are on their own path, just like you are.
Sample Motherhood Intention Statement
“My intention is to be the kind of mother that is supportive and loving, always thinking of new ways of doing things, ways to play together, work together, and solve problems together. I want to be the kind of mom that my kid always comes to in love, even if they’re afraid to ask for support and guidance.”
It doesn’t have to be big. It just needs to come from your heart.
When You Miss the Mark
When you don’t fulfill your intention, it’s just an opportunity to check in:
- “Hey, that wasn’t fulfilling my whole intention. What can I do differently?”
Apologize to your child:
- “I’m so sorry I yelled at you. That wasn’t my intention. I’m working on doing it differently.”
Own it. Model it. That teaches your child they don’t have to be perfect either. It’s part of your learning experience together.
Final Thoughts
This is an invitation for you to intentionally create your motherhood journey. We’re not aiming for perfection, we’re evolving. If you have any questions, put them in the comments. If you need support in a coaching environment, you can reach out to me. Information will be in the show notes.
Thank you so much for watching.
Happy exploring your energy around motherhood can be adventurous and enlightening as you practice this in your world.
Thanks for watching. I hope you have a beautiful day — and Happy Mother’s Day! 🌷
Permission for Copyrighted Material Use: This vlog contains Allison Field’s interpretation of the copyrighted work of Bruce D Schneider and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC).
